They Call Him Mr. Ed/Script
is seen blindfolded, standing in a backyard. Edd: "I have a surprise for you, Ed." hand appears, encased in a rubber glove and holding a Chunky Puff. Ed: sniffing "Fi fi fo fuff, I smell Chunky Puff!" Edd: "Very good, Ed. And if you can solve your way through my 'Maze of Inevitable Despair'." Ed: "Ah!" Edd: "Catchy, isn't it? You'll win a grand prize! A full box of Chunky Puffs. Part of a complete breakfast." Ed: off the blindfold ''"I can do that, Double D!" '''Edd:' out stopwatch "That's the spirit, Ed! Now remember, solve the maze in the shortest amount of time and claim your Chunky Puffs." a beat "Go!" Ed: "Ha ha ha! Wait for me!" takes off, plowing straight through the maze, completely wrecking it. Edd watches despondently, realizing he had not accounted for Ed's strategy. Ed: through the final wall "I win I win! Chunky Puffs!" sits down and crams the entire box into his mouth. Edd: "Excuse me, Ed? Not that you'd understand the geometry involved in such an endeavor, but–" angry "–that isn't how you go through a maze!" Ed: the box "Hang on, Double D, I'll think of something!" suddenly puts his head over the fence. Eddy: excited "Hey ladies! Quit fooling around, cause I came up with the hippest, nowest, most primo plan yet! Are you ready for this? Cause today, we're going nowhere but up!" Edd: a pause "And?" Eddy: "And nothing! UP!" Edd: confused "I seem to be floating in a sea of doubt here, Eddy. The dictionary lists several definitions for the word–" Ed: interrupting "Oh, I know! Up!" Eddy: "Not yet, Ed. C'mon!" the fence "Just follow my lead– Up!" Edd: Ed "Ed, put me down." Ed: Edd "Uh-uh-uh! That's "up", Double D!" Edd: resigned "Of course, what was I thinking." ---- telephone is seen sitting on a desk placed on a driveway. It rings, and Eddy slams his fist on the desk, causing the telephone to leap into his hand. Eddy: "Talk to me." to someone on the other end of the line for a few seconds "Trade it! Buy it! Sell it!" hangs up the phone. Ed: offscreen "Up up up!" from the left, bouncing "Up up up!" exits to the right. Eddy: "Put some muscle into it, Ed!" Ed: "You got it, chief! And–" crouches "–up!" up high into the air Eddy: "Keep that up, Ed!" Ed: Eddy, I'm coming! crashes down into Eddy's desk Ed: "I'm okay!" Eddy: Edd, who is building something out of cardboard "Hey Sockhead! Lumpy here can't stay up!" Edd: "Well, what a coincidence! In the spirit of up-ness, I've constructed this elevator that I'm sure would be of some help." Eddy: "Sweet!" off to try it Edd: "I'll probably hate myself in the morning saying this, but– going up?" Eddy: "Nowhere but!" Ed: elevator button "Pardon me, miss." steps into the elevator, where Muzak can be heard. The door closes, and he ascends. Eddy: "I like what you came up with, Double D." Edd: "One could say things are looking up, Eddy." elevator reaches its top floor. Ed: "Look at me, guys! Am I up?" out of the elevator and plummets to earth "Ow. I'm okay." Edd: "I've taken the liberty of compiling a few statistics and drawing up a graph onto this progress chart. As you can plainly see, the index is clearly advancing in an upward direction." Eddy: confused "Say what?" Edd: by Eddy's dunderheadedness "We go up, Eddy." Eddy: "You're a cut up, Double D." turns his chair around to reveal Jonny standing beside him. Jonny: "Hiya guys! Whatcha doin?" moves his chair to block him. Plank peeps out from behind the chair, and then Jonny's head appears on the top. Jonny: Eddy's head "Ding dong ding dong!" Eddy: annoyed "Hey hey hey! Double D, does the never-ending forehead have an appointment?" Jonny: "Here I am!" Edd: "Jonny 2x4 to see Eddy? I'll have a look, shall I?" can be seen in the background, working on the elevator. Edd: "I'm sorry Jonny, you don't seem to be penciled in. Perhaps later, yes?" Jonny: "If you say so." Eddy: annoyed "Fat chance!" camera shifts to the elevator. The buzzer dings, and then Ed falls to the ground. He gets up laughing, and then is seen carrying one end of a steel beam into the elevator. This goes on for a few seconds, until it is revealed that Ed is carrying it at the other end as well. Edd: Jonny away "Patience, Jonny. Here at Ed Co., opportunities come up in a blink of an eye. hands him a business card Stay in touch." Jonny: impressed "Gee, Plank, Double D's got a card." Nazz: up to Jonny with Jimmy "What's going on, Jonny?" Jonny: "Beats me, but it's way cool!" ---- phones, all of them ringing, are now on Eddy's desk. Eddy: on one of them "No problemo. Gotta go." it down and picks up the next one "Ed Co." a beat "What part of 'up' don't you understand?" up and picks up third phone "You're. Fired." mumbling is heard "I'll call you right back, Mom." Edd, who is in front of his desk "What's up, Double D?" comes out from behind him Nazz: "Hi Eddy. Can I join- uh- this- whatever you're doing?" sweats profusely, and one of his hairs spontaneously develops a cowlick. He then develops a huge grin. Nazz: "Is this like, a quiz or something?" Eddy: "You got spunk." out his hand, which is dripping with sweat "Welcome to Ed Co." Nazz: hands with Eddy "Ed Co.? Cool!" looks on, astonished. ---- Edd: a sheet of tape off the screen "Door: Updated." face is seen through a door reading "Mr. Eddy, EDCO Inc." He then leans down to the driveway, which has tape on it "Office walls upgraded. And–" at the reception area "–reception uplifting." can be seen in the background running down the side of the elevator, which has grown much larger "Quite an upturn, if I do say so." throws a piece of crumpled paper at the trash. It goes in. "Nice upshot." Eddy: the door into Edd's face "Hey Nazz, get me Mr. D." closes the door. Edd: "Ow." Nazz: a magazine "Mr. D, I think Mr. Eddy's looking for you." Edd: dazed "Thank you." ---- Eddy's office, Eddy is pacing back and forth. Edd enters. Edd: "Looking for me, sir?" Eddy: abruptly "Park it." points to a stool in the corner sits on the stool while Eddy sits in his chair. There is an awkward silence. Ed then comes running out from behind the elevator and runs into an invisible wall where the tape is, sliding to the ground. Ed: nonchalantly "Forgot about the wall." runs off Eddy: "Listen up. We need an up-and-comer, Mr. D. A go-getter to push this plot along. Edd: proudly "Look no further, Mr. Eddy, I'm up and ready to–" Eddy: interrupting "Get me Jimmy." Edd: aback "Jimmy?" down "Uppercut." leans out of the office "Miss Nazz, page Jimmy for me, would you?" Nazz: her nails "Sorry, Mr. D, but I'm up to my neck with filing." Edd: sarcastically "Of course you are." out bullhorn "Jimmy! You're up, Jimmy!" Jimmy: hugging Jonny "That's me, Jonny, me!" into the office "I'm coming, I'm coming! Whee!" Edd: "It's all up from here, Jimmy!" Jonny: showing up behind Edd "We're next!" Edd: "Well, you certainly have the Ed Co. attitude, Jonny." the mailroom "I think the mailroom's right up your alley." Jonny: "Wow!" stuffing mail in the slot marked "Up" "I'm liking this, Mr. D!" Edd: "Good! Keep it up!" ---- Eddy's office, Jimmy is being held by the cheeks at arm's length by Eddy. Eddy: Jimmy; they have apparently finished negotiations "So, you up for it?" Jimmy: "I'm your boy!" Eddy: Jimmy away "Make me proud!" Edd: coffee on his desk "Espresso, Mr. Eddy? I understand this is the beverage of choice for the upwardly mobile. To 'upness'." both sip cups of coffee. Eddy does a spittake when he realizes how it tastes, whereas Edd turns green but swallows. Edd: "Well that was an upturn for the worst." Eddy: "I almost upchucked!" share a laugh "Alright alright, get back to work." ---- is seen holding a fishing pole. He starts reeling in something on the other side. Ed: "Upsa-daisy!" is reeling in a tank of live fish. This tank is on the ground, and he is apparently fishing from the top of the elevator. Jimmy wanders in from the left, wearing oddly shaped glasses and holding color strips. Jimmy: at both the strips and the reception area "Hmm. Ah-ha!" a vase of flowers on the receptionist's desk "Uplifting!" camera zooms out to show what Jimmy has done. Among the new additions to the reception area are several plants, a water cooler, a fountain, and a couch. Also, there can be seen in Mr. Eddy's office several signs pointing up. Nazz: "Cool, Jimmy, you've really spruced up this place." Jimmy: "Motif is the key to an organic work environment, Miss Nazz." Jonny: in "Mail call!" Nazz: "Thanks Jonny." looks silently at a photo of what appears to be part of a plank "What is this?" Jonny: "Plank photocopied his butt!" Jimmy, and Nazz share a giggle. Rolf: "Life is good, yes Victor? As Rolf, the son of a shepherd, now protects his own flock of simpleminded creatures." and Victor are in a box labeled security. The rather rough voice of Kevin breaks through the peace. ---- Kevin: "What's with the Car 54 get-up, Rolf?" laughs "Afraid somebody might steal your box?" Rolf: angrily "Rolf is keeper of security! State your business." Kevin: "Chill, amigo, I was just– Nazz: inside Ed Co. "Later, guys." Kevin: "Whoa, there's Nazz." a louder voice "Yo, Nazz!" tries to crawl under the security gate, but is pulled back by Rolf. "Hey, what gives?" Rolf: "Have you permission to enter?" Kevin: "Permission? I just wanna say hi to Nazz." Rolf: questioningly "Spindle-shanks Nazz girl?" thinks about it. Then, grudgingly "Okay, but hold your tongue, and say nothing of this, yes?" Kevin: "Whatever." enters the business. ---- Kevin walks up the drive, Ed is seen carrying more materials to the elevator. The camera then shifts to inside Eddy's office. Eddy: "Progress report, Mr. D!" Edd: "Well, Mr. Eddy, morale is up, efficiency is up, employee productivity is–" Kevin coming up the driveway "–not good not good not good not good not good not good!" Eddy "Kevin's walking down the driveway!" house of cards Eddy has been building abruptly crumbles. Kevin: on Nazz's desk "Talk to me, Nazz. How about you and me go down to the lane and–" to see he's facing Edd Edd: "What's up, Kevin?" Kevin: "Up? What's it to ya? I was just getting down with Nazz." Edd: "No down here, Kevin, why it's only up up up at Ed Co." presses a button located on the underside of the receptionist's desk Kevin: "Ed Co.? Sounds like a downer to me." Rolf: security duties "Up and away with you, as Rolf must uphold the law!" Kevin: "You're going down, dude." to flip Rolf over Rolf: "May you break out in laughter and pass a turnip from your nose!" Kevin down Kevin: "Why you–" begin to fight. The watercooler and a plant are thrown. Eddy then appears at the door to his office. He opens it. Eddy: "What's this uproar about?" is thrown into the door, knocking it over. "Get up, Rolf! What do I pay you for, anyway?" Rolf: "Pay?" Edd: disaster "No, Eddy!" Nazz: realizing "Hey, what about our pay?" Eddy: he isn't paying anybody "Oops." a scapegoat "That's Mr. D's department." to Edd "Chat 'em up, Sockhead." Edd: profusely "Well, let's see. Ed Co. is a nonprofit organization?" Eddy: confident "See, I–" understanding and completely freaked out "–NO PROFIT?" Kevin: "Down for the count, dorks." rest of the kids walk off. Jimmy: away in tears "My artistic vision! Sullied! I'm so downhearted!" Nazz: "Downright lame, if you ask me." Rolf: "Downtrodden rabbit radishes! Come, Victor!" Jonny: "Hey, guys! Did everybody get to see Plank's butt?" ---- and Eddy stand looking out into the street. The Ed Co. offices are completely destroyed. The fountain is broken, with water squirting all over; in it can be seen a trashcan. The plants' pots have all been smashed against the pavement, and the desks and chairs are all destroyed. As the duo look out into the street, a banner hung on the garage reading "Edco Inc." comes undone at one end and flutters down. Edd: "I'm afraid it's downhill from here, Eddy." Eddy: desperate "Nowhere but up, Double D!" comes on the scene carrying a boat to the elevator and whistling. Eddy: "Ed! What are you up to?" Ed: "Uh–Is that a quiz or something?" Eddy: "Quick! The elevator!" all three Eds in the elevator "Up! Nowhere but, remember?" presses the button to start the elevator Ed: "Oh goodie!" ---- elevator climbs up a number of things, some of which it would be impossible to pass through, before reaching its peak. Eddy and Edd climb out of a microwave, which sits next to a fridge. Edd: gasps Eddy: "What are you waiting for?" Edd out onto the ledge Edd: "Ed! What have you been up to?" Ed: the fridge door, knocking Edd off the ledge "Is this up or what?" Edd: "Help!" is shown that he is clinging to the moon "Don't just stand there, do something!" Eddy: shock "Ed! Why we're–" dawns "–up! Super up! You did it, Lumpy!" Edd: "Is this what you did all day, Ed?" Ed: "I was making up, Double D!" Eddy: "This is as up as you can get, Ed!" Ed: "Thank you very much." moon starts to shake. Edd: "Oh dear." moon tips over, smashing into the elevator and demolishing it. Eddy: desperate "Change of plans, boys. I wanna go down!" Edd: '''"I wanna go down!" '''Ed: "I want to go down!" 'Edd: '"Help! Get me down!" show closes with an iris in on their proclamations of wanting to go down and lamentations of despair Category:Season 4 Category:Season 4 Scripts